THIS IS JUST A TEST...

 

"For the next sixty seconds, this station will conduct a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. This is only a test. If this had been an actual emergency, you would have been instructed to tune to one of the broadcast stations in your area."
 

How many times have we seen that phrase scroll across the bottom of our television screen, either in real life, or a movie? It's comforting to know that we have alarm systems available to us when external forces are at work, but what about when the emergency is internal where nobody sees? Is there an EMS for that too? There is, and this is one example of how it worked for me.
 

To say that learning to cope with my widowhood has been difficult would be putting it lightly. But the harder task has been getting used to single parenthood; mostly because it was an aspect of my husband's death I never considered, given that my sons are now young men. But now, as I watch them grapple with how to navigate their lives without his guidance and cope with their loss, knowing that I cannot replace him, or ever fill his shoes...I am keenly aware of my present circumstance.
 

Death is so irrevocable. There is no time left to say what wasn't said...to guide where wisdom was lacking...or simply live for the moment. I hurt for my sons and the thought of them being so young and losing their dad. But what I wasn't prepared for was the direction their anguish would take...how it would affect them...but more, how it would affect us. The details aren't necessary here, for we all struggle with relationships and getting along. So I'm sure you know what that looks like. But as is life in general, I believe these struggles are a temporary set back and at some point our relationship will gain it's proper footing. Suffice it to say that some days the strain is worse than others. What follows is what came out of one of those days.
 

One morning, at a moment when Satan wanted me to believe the issues were completely immovable, I woke up with neither the desire nor energy to move. After spending several more hours in bed, I spent the rest of the morning, and well into the afternoon in either prayers or tears. I cried out to God for guidance to a situation that had no visible end.
 

Close to the supper hour, the phone rang. It was my daughter-in-law calling. We had made tentative plans the day before to go grocery shopping together. Not wanting to disturb my almost non-existent studies, she had waited as long as she could. Now she really needed to get to the grocery store, as she had nothing to prepare for her families dinner. Everything in me wanted to say no, I was simply too tired. Then I was reminded of a comment during a recent radio interview, "...when a man's family is starving on the other side of the hill, he finds a way to get there." So I pulled myself together, and pushed myself out the door.
 

I always enjoy my daughter-in-laws company, and once I was out I was glad. What I didn't know was that with her help, God would...and was already answering my prayer for guidance. Throughout the trip we talked about the current struggles. I expressed my concern over the many mistakes I felt I was making, and confessed my regret in letting her, the boys, and more so God down through my poor example since Glenn's death. As always her ear was forgiving and sympathetic, one of the reasons I love her so dearly.
 

After we finished shopping, I had an overwhelming feeling that I should take my groceries home first, and then drop her and the babies off. She was readily agreeable, as she would be able to help me take in my bags, and wanted to take a detour through Tim Horton's...her treat...before going home. We both expected the stop at the house to be fairly quick, however, this was not the case.
 

When we arrived, I found my driveway blocked by a car belonging to my sons friend. Pretty minor in retrospect, but a personal pet peeve. I and my daughter-in-law dialed the house, and even the vehicle's owner several times without answer. Finally, I parked the car on the street, went into the house and called up to my son to please have the vehicle moved. As I did so, I was fairly annoyed, but trying to contain my tone. Several minutes, and two more calls later, the situation was finally rectified. At this point, it's safe to say I was down right angry, but I was also praying.
 

It's been on my heart for a long while, not to react to situations in kind. Anger only begets more anger, and the wrath of man does not work God's righteousness. (James 1:20) But given my past experiences, stubborn nature and hot Irish temper, this hasn't been an easy lesson for me to learn.
 

Regardless of how or why, in the middle of my struggle, I was suddenly no longer looking at the situation as an injustice, but rather a test...an opportunity to seek God's will and react accordingly. It was then that I chose to put my anger aside. But as I did, I asked God to let it be for His glory. As quickly as that my anger was gone. But what happened next still astounds me.
 

As I was putting my few groceries away, a hymn began to play in my mind. "...is your all on the alter of sacrifice laid, your heart does the spirit control." This was significant for two reasons. First, because since the day of my conversion, waking up with, or suddenly hearing a hymn in my mind was for me evidence, or a mark of my new life in Christ...the changing of my mind from old thoughts to new. Secondly, because since the day of my husband's passing, it had been missing. I had felt so empty and alone...like I was being punished for having let God and my husband down. But now here it was again. The thought of God once again bringing hymns to my mind gave me such a sense of peace...even if the words weren't sinking in at that moment. I felt happy as I got back in the car and turned on the ignition. That's when it happened.
 

I heard the words of the same hymn coming through the speakers, and instantly thought...that explains it. I must have been listening to it before I went into the house, but before that thought had time to choke my joy, the realization hit. I turned to my daughter-in-law and asked her what we'd been listening to on the way home. The response was, "Nothing, the radio and cd player were off, because we were talking." As such, it shouldn't have come on when I turned the car on, but it did. And it came on to the exact hymn that was in my mind.
 

Now you can call it chance, or fluke, or what ever else you want to call it. For me it was confirmation, and now I was listening. Because God was answering my prayer. That first hymn tuned me in, the next one gave me the instructions I had been asking for. "...All your anxiety...all your care...take to the mercy seat...leave it there...there's not a burden He cannot bear...never a friend like Jesus..." My need didn't change, neither has the situation, but knowing God is watching and knows what He is doing through it...and that I can come to Him when my burden gets to great, is all I need to know.
 

So here is my bottom line. No matter what you're going through, or how bleak the situation looks, we all have an EMS for our personal life. It's Christ...it's the ability He gave us to call out in His name...to call on a heavenly Father who loves us...me and you...enough to send Christ in the first place...to answer our prayers...right now...right where we are...and in our present need whatever it may be! But...and yes there is a but...you need to be willing...willing to lay aside all your anxiety, all your cares...all your anger and leave it there. For these burdens and trials aren't the curse; they are just a test of your emergency broadcasting system. Are you listening?
 

Your friend,
Beverly